ADD?

Both my kids have attention deficit disorder, at least their father and I think so. I have finally decided it comes from me. I have trouble finishing anything I start. I have grandiose ideas about doing this or that, get started then, boom. Time to start something new. I started to write a book and in my head thoughts flow freely then I try to put it all on paper and start thinking about the hundreds of pages unwritten and I quit. Crocheting was going to be my money maker after I retire, but after 10 or 15 animals, I couldn't bear to start another. I have a bunch of blankets that I started but never finished. Its like the thinking and dreaming and planning are the best part. I have yarn galore, each selected for a specific never started project.
Back to the book, I think that was mainly a melancholy moment thing. You know, sad thoughts of the past, fear of the future, unhappy, scared, lonely, whatever other words you can think of to describe this sorry person I have become. The book? This is part of the first chapter. I just don't want to completely lose the thoughts.

The Broken Virgin

I held tightly to the plastic Virgin under my pillow. “Please, Blessed Mother Mary, make them stop!” I nudged my sister laying next to me and whispered “Colleen, are you awake?. “ “Yes.” “Don’t worry, they will go to sleep pretty soon. I know you’re scared…I’m scared too.” She said. We were always scared when mother and dad had a fight.. I clutched my statue more tightly, and willed the tears trickling down onto my pillow to quit and thought about my broken Blessed Mother. She glowed in the dark if you put her in the bathroom light while taking a bath. One day I held her so tight the pretty blue base that held her upright snapped off. Since then, I kept her under my pillow, close, for nights like this. She always answered my prayers. They always stopped and I always slept. I drifted slowly off to sleep. Summer nighttime noises started once again. The June bugs and the crickets, the whirring of the window fan, the bathroom faucet…drip, drip, drip.
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The Coaster?

Charlotte loves the roller coaster. I never really liked them all that much. I don't like that feeling in my tummy when you're free falling. It kind of tickles, but kind of hurts too. After waiting in line what seems like forever, it moves so fast and then its over. Kind of like life. I remember being 8 or 10 and just wanting to be 12 or 14. When I was 25, I wanted the kids to be grown. Never satisfied. Up and down, high then low, slow then fast. Then its over. Poof, done. The good thing about the roller coaster though is you can get back in line, start over, and hope it's more fun the next time.

Let the Dream Continue

I am so up today. My machine is fixed and I 'sewed' out my first embroidery. It was just a practice piece but it came out great. I didn't have to do anything other than rethread the needle when the thread broke. And I have that problem solved too. Somedays are truly worth living. I also just read Michael's blog, sound like we have another brilliant granddaughter coming along. God I love those kids, I want to hug them so bad.

Oh, and I don't want to forget my first animeal. I created a darling bib/paci holder that looks like an elephant. I even have an order!! Now if only I could get the sew out for it in a pes format. I will post a picture tomorrow.

Today is good. Tomorrow just a dream. And it is coming.

Where do dreams go?

I have them, I've always had them. Some more outlandish than others, some were actually forseeable. A few even came true. But most just disappeared. Lost. They change from one year to the next, sometimes completely losing thier shape and texture.

But one of these I've had for a long, long time, years actually. It is shared with two people very dear to me.

My shop 'My Sisters and Me' or 'Three Sisters'. Colleen, Sharon and me. We've tossed it around a few times, but then the reality takes over. It would be a gifty, crafty, creative place. Perhaps geared to childrens goods, but more! Items that you know will make someone smile.

Both my sisters share the crafty touch. Sharon paints. and makes beautiful children's 'secrets' boxes. Colleen is a terrific seamstress, though age, arthritis and eyesight have contributed to less pattern work and more finish work. Her hand sewing is amazing, and she has patience to cover a wedding basket in hand sewn seed pearls. A weekend doesn't go by that we don't show-off our latest craft to one another. Family and friends continue to tell us we are wasting our talents working everyday.

So someday our shop will carry many of these items, Sharons boxes, Colleen's blankets and baskets and lots of other one-of-a-kind embroidered dresses. And artwork, children's artwork. Framed and mounted like professional stuff. Like the one above..... The specially created dressing box I made for Charlotte out of an old pink suitcase. So clever then. Most of these things you make once or twice, but never again.

Lord, please don't let me lose this dream.

Expensive Hobby or Lucrative Business

Wow, I just went to a sewing specialty shop to buy me some odds and ends that will be needed in this embroidery scene I'm about to tackle. This certainly will not be an inexpensive hobby, but if I can make wonderful gifts, and possibly sell anything I will hopefully break closer to even. As a business? I hope these tiny spools of thread last awhile! I think I purchased at least everything I will need to get started and learn my machine. Alma's also offers one on one classes at a reasonable price, and offers more than just quilting, etc. I was shown the beautiful fabric that was being pieced together from a variety of purchased laces, incredible.
Mike somehow got to this site this morning. I explained to him that it is my rant space. He understood but asked if I could at least post a few lighter pieces. This is it.

Speaking of ranting, DH and I went out to dinner last night. We hadn't planned on it and he actually had planned supper. A run-in with J took the wind out of his sails, and mine too. Seems her working will get in the way of the next semester of school. I don't know what she wanted us to do, unless somewhere in her mind she thought we would pay her rent. God, I don't know if I'll be able to pay mine! Of course there is savings but no..no.. no......
I ensured we would be there for her and that C would be able to stay with us as much as necessary. That's all it took to set her off. I guess us telling her we were going out for a drink on Saturday rubbed her the wrong way. She she wanted to go out with her friends so Sunday morning she could guzzle down 3 or 4 ginger ales. Hmmmmm. So when that couldn't happen, we got the tirade. Its a wonderful life. Back to dinner out. Mine was great, DH had very under cooked lamb sent back to kitchen once, and still not done. He was unhappy to say the least. Of course the Gin and Tonic helped him along. He ended up with a free meal. Mine was great, the Outback always has a good reliable steak (there special steak). Sooner or later DH will listen to me and order what I do.

Looking Forward

I have a new toy to look forward to. I was able to 'win' an ebay auction for a sewing/embroidery machine. I have been coveting the Viking for several years now, but Lord knows I can't afford that one! Well over 7 grand for a new toy is just way too high. I can't even justify that much if I could turn it into a small business. So, since I've never done it, I don't know how much I will enjoy it, and I'm close to poor, I bid on the Brother ULT2003D and methodically increased my bid so I just had to win. It sells new at over $3900 but I got this one for $1500 plus $70 to ship. I've been tracking it's progress from somewhere in Florida. As we speak, it's being loaded onto a freight truck in Jacksonville on its way to Charleston. Well, Maybe. At lunch today I will purchase a few odds and ends at Alma's Creative Sewing Arts to keep me entertained and dreaming.

Who knows, maybe I'll stay home this weekend and try the new machine out. No, I don't want to rush into this, I will take my new manual with me to the boat and read, read, read. First items to be produced will be "Wave Bye" shirts, for the captain, crew and of course, me the Admiral. Having something to look forward to is so important to me. I think sometimes its what keeps me sane. I am sane, right? The boat has saved me over and over again and it still does. I hate it that DH can't sit still long enough to enjoy sitting at the dock in the sun, bobbing about. I do love my evenings alone on the boat. I eat as I please, drink a little wine, go to bed when I feel like it, and just rest and relax. I never get tired of sitting in the cockpit of my boat. When I die, if that boat is still around, lease mix my ashes with a little fiberglass and spread me below in the storage wells.

Same Day, Darker

So here it is almost 4pm. I wonder if this work day will ever end. My shoulders and back are killing me. I'm bored silly too. I hate this job. I am a completely burned out dinosaur of a programmer. My newest gd is so beautiful. I'm ashamed to say M's comment about his mil and miss C did not break my heart. I shouldn't be so jealous of her, after all a girl relies on her mother for ever and ever. Men don't always need the mothering and even if they do their wives do a handy job of it. So miss C. isn't happy anymore that Nanny is there.

A Sunnier Day Ahead

I woke this morning not feeling quite so gray. Maybe I slept better. Or maybe the shot the pain doc gave me actually did some good. This morning my shoulder still throbs so I'm not sure. My headache is gone. I just fed my fish. What will I do with them when I'm gone from here. It will take some time to break down this little aquarium. I suppose they will just have to give me time to take care of it. My husband complained of waking up shaking yesterday. It went on for some time he said, and he thought about going to the hospital. What do you suppose that was all about. I've never felt the age difference more than I do now.

Why Am I Here

Sometimes I wonder. Sometimes it feels like, like, like, like... a broken record, or should we say a damaged CD. So I shall record my thoughts and feelings. It's a far cry better than boring my family with those things.

Today is pain doc day. I will go in, he will ask how I'm doing. I will answer 'lousy'. He will put me on some different narcotic, I will make an appointment for one month from now.

And so it goes........... Wow, bet you can't wait until next month!!!!

OK now what?

So, I said I need to record these ups and downs I continually experience. So here goes. Today, yesterday, even Sunday, was down. I cried for no reason. I'm getting old, and I'm very, very tired. So these are the times of our lives huh? Whoever wrote that sick little line was young, rich, gorgeous and had every toy he/she ever dreamed of, they were 100% healthy to boot!